**-~Orange soda~-** (starbabe0904) wrote in justpoets,
**-~Orange soda~-**

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Welcome to my suffering...please proceed.

There are a few poems behind the cut...old ones from last summer and last spring...Most of my work is from that time...because I used writing as a release, and I had something devastating to write about. I have many more, but I didn't want to put them on the same post because I figured you guys would get tired of reading them all together!! :)

My love….returned only by a lie
My trust…undeserved, taken advantage of.
“I’ll never hold anything from you or lie about anything.” LIES.
My body…used.
My heart….shattered.
My emotions…fooled by the lies.
My time, my devotion, my sacrifices…all for a lie.
My willingness to try new things…for a lie.
Valentine’s dinner...lie
Intimate showers and sensual massages….lies.
Waking up in the morning and falling asleep next to the man who loved me back…a lie.
Christmas pictures of the happy couple for the family and friends….lie.
“I don’t plan on being without you” when we got cell phones for Christmas together…just another lie.
A ring and a promise that you’ll come back to me from serving…only a lie.
Every single “I love you,” “I miss you,” “I’ll never leave you”…..lies.
All the promises….lies.
My whole life for the last 6 months…..A lie.
Comforting me with love over the loss of a best friend…lie.
My tears…..genuine, my love…still true. My pain…very real.
Every time I think of you…am reminded of you….I have to stop and wonder now, if what I am reminded of is just a lie.
And I didn’t even know until the end….it was a lie.


If only I could have just one last kiss...
maybe things would be better for me, some closure or something. But more than anything I just want to feel his lips on mine again.
If only I could have just one last day with him, one last night knowing that he still loves me.
If I would have known that this great thing that I had was going to end, I would have made sure to get these "lasts".
If only I could have one more shower with him, one more morning that he's walking around the apartment naked, brushing our teeth together.
If only I could have one more chance to kiss him on his stomach, one last moment of holding his hand.
One more trip to his mothers, one last night under the stars, one more camping trip, one more time to see him play with my cat.
If only I had one more weekend with him, I wouldn't take advantage of it, I would make the best of it...I would make it last....forever.
There are so many one mores. They make me sad, they drive me crazy. I just want one more.
If only I had one more chance...to make him love me again.
Then I could be happy.
If only...

I would have Never

If only I had known...
How things were going to end
THAT things were going to end.
That he wouldn't love me like he said
That my heart would be shattered, that my spirit would be broken.
If only I had known, I would have never.
I would have never...
Given him my love, my everything.
Given him my virginity, my first kiss
Given him my trust.
I would have never
Gotten so attached, put so much emotion into it.
Given so much time and effort
Loved him as much as I did, unconditionally, with all of my heart.
If only I had known, I would have never...
Let it happen in the first place.
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